In memoriam: My mother-in-law…(FIRE movement journey started to spend time with loved ones and I’m glad for it)
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| Saying goodbye to a loved one is never easy… |
Helen Keller: “What we have once enjoyed we can never lose; all that we deeply love becomes a part of us.”
My mother-in-law passed away recently at the age of 82. She had been suffering from complications from a stroke suffered in June, and her heart finally gave up the fight. She leaves behind 4 children and 6 grandchildren.
In this post, I’d like to share my thoughts and my memories of my mother-in-law.
When my wife and I prepared to retire early in the summer of 2020, one of our main objectives was to spend more time with loved ones. We realized how brief life actually is, especially the time we have to spend with our parents.
Our parents weren’t getting younger and neither were we, so we wanted to do as much as we can to do exactly that. Since our early retirement, we spent time with my mother-in-law every time we were back in New York City.
Those months were September, November, March, and May. During those 4 months, we took her to Ocean Casino Resort (twice), Preston (Connecticut), Mountain Creek (New Jersey, twice), Mohegan Sun casino (Connecticut), and several local attractions on Long Island (New York).
Looking back, I’m glad we got to spend some quality time together. It made me realize how short life really is and that we should do everything we possibly can to enjoy our life here on earth and to enjoy it with our loved ones…
My mother-in-law had a tough childhood. She lived under the Japanese colonial occupation until the end of the Second World War. Just when things were looking up, the Korean War came barely five years after the end of Japanese rule. She lived through the Korean War during the early 1950’s living a hard scrabble life, where she had to beg for food from strangers to survive.
During the turbulent days after the Korean War, she had to scrounge to eat and to survive. As the youngest of 7 children, she somehow got volunteered for this task. The years after the end of the war were tough on adults, but more so for children whose father died during the war.
Everyone who lived during those years can attest to living a meager existence, just figuring out how to survive the day, one day at a time…
She would marry my father-in-law and eventually give birth to 4 children in the 1960’s. Life for a young family with children those days were difficult. They had issues renting a place as most landlords didn’t want 4 kids running around their house and just being kids.
Despite all these obstacles along the way, they made do with whatever came their way. They tried their hands at selling noodles at construction sites, owning a telecommunications store, and owning a restaurant.
None of these panned out how they had hoped, so in the year 1983, they would emigrate to the United States, with the help from their sibling, who had lived in El Paso (Texas). They were hoping for a better future and a fresh start in the U.S.
Life of an immigrant is never easy, especially for those who come to the United States without a profession or without knowing the English language. My mother-in-law worked at Korean delis, at restaurants, and at other menial jobs to make ends meet.
Their life would become infinitely better with the ownership of a small deli/grocery store in Brooklyn, NY. For the first time, by putting their resources together, they were able to work hard and save up enough money to buy a beautiful home in the borough of Queens.
It was a true ‘American Dream’ story: from humble beginnings without having money or knowing how to speak the language, to owning a small business, then to buying a dream home.
When I met my in-laws for the first time, I was just a college student who didn’t come from money or from status. All I had to offer were my brains, my work ethic, and my love for my wife to be. Despite all these less than ideal qualifications as an ‘ideal’ husband, my in-laws approved our marriage.
I was very thankful for them placing their trust in me at that time. As payback, I tried my best to get to know them. Since I love to travel, I recommended our first overnight trip to Plymouth Rock (Massachusetts) so we can spend some quality time together.
We saw all the famous sights, ate good seafood, and gambled at Foxwoods Casino on our way back home. It would mark the first time we had plenty of time to chat and to learn about their past. We would bond from that point on.
Our next big trip together was Las Vegas, Nevada. The week long trip took us to different hotels/casinos on the strip, gambling at those casinos, eating cheap and expensive foods, and my father-in-law hitting the jackpot twice on the same night! He ended up treating us the rest of that trip and we made sure he did!
We booked a reservation at the top of the revolving restaurant at the Stratosphere Hotel/Casino. There, we would really splurge on his dime. We had huge prawns, steaks, appetizers, the works! We laughed and joked how we were going to bleed him dry until we leave Las Vegas. You know what they say, “What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.”
My in-laws would talk about that trip many years later to whoever would listen…That indeed was a great trip!
My in-laws visited us while we lived in Hawaii and that visit was for about two weeks. We treated them to best restaurants, best sights, and to world famous Waikiki Beach! We booked a hotel room at the beach so they can have their second honeymoon.
The catamaran dinner cruise and swimming at the world famous Kailua Beach, would end up being two of their favorite highlights of that visit. They would wear the Hawaiian shirts, swimwear and dresses we had bought them during that visit, years later, reminiscing about that trip…
By then, we were as close as any in-law/son-in-law could ever be. We had many things to talk about and we really felt like our parents were appreciative of us taking the time to spend time together…
We would eventually spend more time together when we invited them on week long visits to our home in Pennsylvania. We would pick them up in New York City, show them around, take them to casinos, take them to other attractions, eat great food, then drive them back to New York City.
We would do this twice or three times a year until we sold our home in August 2020. All those great memories are flooding back in. From seeing their happy faces as we would leave for Pennsylvania, seeing them giddy with excitement at the thought of going to a casino, and seeing them savoring delicious food.
In conclusion:
We will always be grateful for our parents that they took a chance and came to the United States in search of a better life. Without their bravery, none of us are here living our own versions of the American Dream.
Now that she has passed, instead of focusing on loss and sadness, I instead want to focus on all the great times we’ve had together. From our first overnight trip to Plymouth Rock, week long trip to Las Vegas, two week get together at our condo in Hawaii, countless trips to various casinos and restaurants, and to many fun times just talking about life, I will cherish the memories of her and be grateful we were able to see her often since our early retirement.
I will miss you and May you Rest In Peace.
Thank you all for reading.
Jake
Wandering Money Pig
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